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[16 Nov 2006|01:51pm]
I woke up today to another day of skipping class. I hate class. I hate life. I realized so much this morning. I am miserable and its that simple yet so complicated. I have always been such a happy motivated person. Getting good grades was my life and now I am probably failing everything. I want to feel bad but I don't feel anything. I just sit and watch my entire life fall to pieces and basically sigh. I feel as if I have no reason for anything. Iv'e come to hate all the things in life I ever even loved. School makes me miserable, I need a break. I know thats lazy of me and It's ok. I can't take the pressure school puts on me at this point. I don't know what i want yet and to be planning out my entire future at 19 is scaring me. Im afraid of change and the future and everything it brings. I don't want responsibilities, I don't want to get older, and I don't want to even live each day. What exactly do I have? I have two fathers who gave me up and can't even love me, my mother loves no one, and my sister the one person I love is gone. My boyfriend is perfect but the thought of loving him and bieng loved scares me so much that I push him away and hurt him. Im so afraid of anything bieng good because I know its so much harder to lose something you love and I know I can never have anything I love and keep it. I feel like I woke up and basically didn't have a clue where I was. How did I get here? Who is this person i look at everyday? I don't know me, I don't know anyone. I hate everything about myself because of it. I look at myself and only see negative. I spend almost all my days crying. I hate to talk about it because I feel selfish. I hear people say how miserable there lives are every day and all I can think is how selfish they sound. I don't want to become that. I am greatfull for living, and having opportunities don't get me wrong its just I need more. I understand there are starving children and women bieng tortured everyday and thats horrible I completly get it....but should I really care? That sounds horrible but if I allow myself to worry so much about it and compare my life to it I know I'll stay miserable. I feel guilty about hurting when i know others suffer more...but should I? Suffering is suffering and I can't go on hurting for the entire world. It's pure honesty and that much pain is just slowly breaking me down. I hurt for everyone else everyday on top of my own pain. I hurt for my mother and so I sacrifice what I want to stay here and make sure shes ok, I hurt for my sister and so I'd give the world for her...I hurt when my grandparents miss me and so I give up time in my life to go make them happy. Don't get me wrong I love my mother and sister and grandparents with my entire life and heart along with a few others but it's hard living for everyone else. I just don't know if it's ok to wake up one day and just try to live for me. Iv'e been trying it and because of it my life is in pieces. Iv'e been lazy and selfish...but I feel no guilt. I have no feelings at all anymore. Pain has made me numb to the bad and good which is good and bad. I don;t hurt but then I don't truly smile and enjoy now either. When I cry I no longer understand why it just happens. I don't know what to do to get my life back on track, I don't understand absolutly anything. I don't want to fail school but its happening and today i actually tried to talk to my mother about it because I just need to talk. All she could say is "Don't fucking quit school". That only hurt more because I'd expect her to know more about me and know I'd never do that. Thats not what I need. I need someone to just listen and carw and help me. Don't sit and tell me what a fuck up I am I understand that...don't feel sorry either because I don't even. I need my ass kicked and at the same time I just want someone to hug me and tell me it's ok that Im not perfect and made mistakes. I don;t want to be a fuck up so bad and I hate when thats all people talk about with every little mistake I make. IM so sorry Im young and I just want to live. I don;t want it thrown in my face that i go out with my friends because thats not why Im doing bad in school. In fact that little bit of fun is the only reason im still breathing. Im doing bad because I feel I have nothing to do good for. Im so use to thinking about others and listening to everyone elses problems that I don't feel for me. I can't deal with everytime I try to tell someone how much I hurt all they throw back at me is how they hurt more and how much worse there life is. I understand that, everyone hurts but please just once care for my pain. Im hear for you and I listen and I won't throw out anytihng of me when you need to talk...just do the same for me. Why is it that everyone feels the need to make everything about themselves? I try to tell my mom what I'm going through and my pain so someone will just know before its to late and all she can say is "Well think about it if thats how you feel imagine what I'm going through".....you know what? I get that. I fucking do it's just imagine what I am going through to ok? I have to have all this pain and hurt and I didn't do anything for it...everything she hurts over she caused in some way. All my pain is aftermath of her problems and my dads and yet I have to be the one hurt in the end. Their marriage couldn't work because they are mean people and didn't even love eachother and so me and my sister suffer, my mother gets depressed and so again we suffer, she becomes so depressed shes horrible and my sister leaves and then i suffere without her. You see I see shes hurting but everything was a direct result of choices she made. Heres my life where I had no say in this choices and yet I have to hurt. I feel hopeless. I can;t even stop my pain or understand it. I am just hurting so much and I wan tsomeone to care and be there. I ahev my friends and they seriously are the almost only reason im still going but I want someone else. I want things I can't have. I want a fmaily and a mother and father. I know I grew up but Im still in this mind of a little girl and I can't change it. Well Im cutting this off because I'm going to one of the few places I feel alive. Im going to go layt in my boyfriends bed and sleep...no he's not home but thats ok. I feel ahppy there and loved. i feel the love in his house and though it hurts to see it, it also makes me feel theres hope and a reason to love and try. Everything is simple there and when he gets home hes going to kick my ass into shape he said so for the first time I feel hopefull. He always helps me I love him with all my heart and I wish he knew that. No matter what he's been my best friend and I love him more then life. He's the one person who's dead honest and will tell me if Im wrong and tell me if Im a bitch and tell me also that he loves me and cares. He is one of the most amazing people you could ever meet and I whole heartedly admire him. He works his ass off and goes to school a million hours a week but never complains. He found balance and I want that. He has motivation and I need that. To all my friends bieng only like two on here haha that will read this...I love you. You know who you two are and Sara your my best friend...even though we hurt eachother I love you. I love your mom and everything to do with you. We are simply disfunctional together and it works. We deserve more and some day we will get it..and together. Stephanie...well your fucking crazy but that makes me smile everyday. Your hilarious and I need it. We have gotten close fast and I wouldn't change a thing. I love who you are...I swear your my twin...same size pants and shoes and same obnoxious drunken antics. Hopefully having part of next week off and this whole weekend makes things better. Ive been working a ton and I finally have some days off to take to myself with Dustin out of town. I can hopefully catch up all my work, sleep, and just think.
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Life [13 Nov 2006|11:41pm]
Well were to start...these last few weeks have been crazy. I've learned a lot about life. CHicago was amazing fun and I wish I could re live that weekend over and over........but I miss the simplicity of my home too. I first just want to make things known about me...i am not rich, i dont come from an amazing family, I dont want to be rich, and I dont pretend to be. Everything I do in life I work to do. I work my ass off for the things I want...no I dont work that hard at work my job is pretty easy but it doesn't mean I don't work hard. I waitress for my money Im not a celebrity, a rockstar...nor do I want to be. I work between 3-6 days a week, go to school 5, and mantain a semi steady relationship with my bf of almost 5 years. I have a lot on my plate and thats ok. Ive come to learnt hat if you want anything in life you have to work hard to get it and you def. cant get there without school so i attempting it. There is so much I wish I could do...I wanted to take a year off until i realized thats selfish. Me time is an excuse to be lazy and had I taken that time off I feel it would have pushed my life off schedule. I considered taking next semester off but I won't. I have to work hard for anything I want. I have also learned a lot about love. Ive decided love is simply destructive. When ever you truly get to close it explodes in your face. You can never love someone else and have it be that easy because love is an emotion I dont think we are suppose to be capable of containing. It is far to powerful to be content with. It drives people crazy until your left standing in a room with a knife to your chest crying, wondering how you even got there. There are two loves....loving and bieng in love. Everyone should encounter both. You are almost guarenteed love from the day your born but bieng in love you have to reach out and grab yourself. If you havnbt been in love by the time your even 16 your missing out on the true good in this world. It is truly better to love and lose....nothing comes close to the rush. Another thing iv'e come to realize is people are shitty. No matter who you thought they were they never are. People are cruel and life is painfull. Friends hurt you. I have learned now to never get close to anyone or share anything. Some people do not like who I am...thats great. Some people are ashamed oh how I am...thats great. I am who I am so fucking deal with it or dont bother to communicate with me...no one, NO ONE, is better then anyone. Everyone is different and that makes us unique and amazing....and I love that about the people I know. People surprise me is all I can end this on...never trust what you thought you knew. Life is lies.
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More secrets [06 Nov 2006|05:40pm]
Apparently the cool thing to do is to post 10 more secrets.

Basically tell the entire world my entire life.

1. Basically your my best friend through anything...we talk shit and have a million differences but no one could work together the way we do. Shake and Bake baby.

2. I hate living right now but to die would scare me more.

3. There are people I feel like I could watch die in front of me and laugh....in fact love it.

4. I fucked up but I feel like if I dont admitt it to myself or anyone then I can ignore it as truth.

5. I can't hate you.

6. I feel like nothing in my life is going the way I want it to and yet I can't change it.

7. I live to please others and any time I put myself first I feel bad for it.

8. I cry every night.

9. Im afraid of responsibility.

10. I want to take the chance.
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Secrets [03 Nov 2006|07:49pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Post 10 secrets(plus 1). Be as vague or as in depth as you'd like.

1. I love you more then anything and yet I hurt you even more.

2. I hate everything about myself.

3. Everyone laughs at you.

4. I havn't felt guilt in over two years no matter what happens.

5. I lie about everything to everyone.

6. You ruined everything that made me who I was and now I am no one.

7. I love you.

8. Im a hypocrite. Everything you do I do too.

9. I wish I could switch you too.

10. I let people hurt me because I feel like I don't always deserve anything more.

11. I never want to grow up, ever.

(p.s. You look damn fine in black under roos. Woot Woot.)

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Halloween. [17 Oct 2006|06:24am]

A wetness on my neck
Chills racing through my spine
Your Breathe; soft murmurs
Whispering sensations to my skin
Blurring every thought
Lips to flesh
The curves in my neck
Tracing patterns with your tongue
At first a nibble;
Leading to the bite
Only numbing pain
A scarlett flood
Flowing down the turns
And yet I cannot move,
I desire the deceit
An addiction to the pain
Drink from me, becoming one
I want to lay empty
Covered in My blood
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chicago [11 Oct 2006|12:41pm]
Chicago is apparently like 12 fucking days away. Im at 150$ and would love to be at 400$. Before I go though I must pay 50$ to get my hair done, at least 30$ on a dress, 40$ on bills, about 32$ on parking for the next 2 weeks, 15$-20$ in gas, and probably at least 30$ on little odds and ends I need such ass a headband, some kick ass earrings, underwear, some cover-up cuz im rockin some pimples and I havnt owned cover-up in goodness 4 years. Needless say though I still have 2 weeks in class were ill be taking 3 midterms, one the day after I get back, 2 papers due, multiple drawing assignments...and god only knows what. I need to return the rest of my financial aid forms finally. All of this and only 6 days of work left. Two paychecks at about 40$ and 30$ and hmm whatever in tips but I doubt enough to cover everything I need to do. 6 days at ohh say 40$ a day is 240 plus the 70 in checks. 310$ there minus the ohh say 200$ in bills is like 110$ plus the 150$ is only 260$. Oops also another 30$ from another check I have soooo 290$ maybe 300$ for ther trip. Hotel is around 70$, gas 10$, train 30$, show 50$ and if I see Wickied 30$. 190$ there. That would leave about 110$ for food what not over a 3 day period. All not including the Vodka me and Steph have in mind...though I do have some Mikes Hard that Ive been saving.All I can do is hope for some great days at work because lately 40$ is even stretching it. LAst night I stayed longer and worked my ass off for 44$. Damn world series is kicking my ass at work. Now id love to take on extra days but with school 5 days a week I only sleep on average 2 hours a night. Im already taking on a friday and any more days I might actually die. Not to mention my sisters homecoming is Sat. so I have to help her with that almost all day, even though its literally my only day off of the week. My dad does owe her 40$ which she owes to me so if he pays that...well thats more like 350$ and maybe I can borrow a bit from the old man too. But its not counting that the week I get back I have car insurence due and its halloween which Id love to get a costume. I also have been considering a tattoo. Chi-town has become Drinks and Inks. Im sitting in the school library no shoes on propped up waiting for my Art History class. Im praying for a good day at work but I doubt it. Luckily I put extra in Gas so I wont have to put gasd in till hopefully Sunday night. I know im crazy stressing but im so disappointed. Ive known about the trip for a while and yet I couldnt bring myself to save. Its just one thing after another. 100$ towards my sisters homecoming, 200$ in books, 50$ in art supplies, 100$ worth of car insurence, 20$ towards a tire, 20$ in oil, 200$ in school clothes were it happened to end up 110$ of it on new Marc Shoes on sale. This weekend too became 90$ at Cedar Point but that was planned forever. Also I loaned my sister 40$, Out to dinner with Sara, movies, some how 30$ on tights and Urban Decay shimmer at TJ MAxx this week. Im so horrible at saving and even worse at spending on useless shit. Im not sure I need over 50 pairs of shoes when I dont even have a jacket. Especially since only maybe 4 are worth less then 100$, and a good 10 are worth in the 300$ range, and one pair in the 800$ range. Not to mention my coach bag. Seriously if all we ever wore was a handbag and shoes id be rocking that shit. Too bad I dont even own clothes to wear the shoes with lol. And I only wanted extra cash so I could buy shoes in Chi-town. I could also use a Derm. appointment before I go, and to lose 10 pounds but god knows I cant do either. I did though in other news finally buy a bra last week...woot. I need to return some pants to MAcys but that just goes back on my card. If I could have gotten my financial aid in faster I would have had around a 500$ refund check, more or less, in time but im lazy as all hell. Anywho im having a heart attack so ill update if I dont die. <3
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So Here I am Updating.. [03 Oct 2006|01:16am]
Lets talk life. Ive decided to update here. Today me and the little lady decided to do a bit of browsing the mall and then Mongo Monday for dinner...I cant sleep. Its late. I have class in 4 hours and I need to do homework. This month is going by so crazy fast and so much to do. Four midterms coming up and two papers. Cedar Point on Sunday in an RV and Chicago on the 23rd. Sister had her homecoming and she looked AMAZING. I cried. Even if her homecoming managed to cost me
100$ it didnt bother me a bit. Because some people lack a bit on their duties I just increase mine a bit to make up for it. Id say overall life is a bit shitty and yet the best ever. Im glad to findly have amazing people in my life you truly love me and treat me like a person. Though ive never believed family was strictly blood im coming to believe that bieng related in any way doesnt even make you family. My family is my mom, my sister, My boyfriend, my best friends...namely Sara and lately Krystle has been there so much. I have my grandparents who love me....and it all makes me feel better every day. Oh and Tink and Cody<3. I just wanted to thank people....because lately I have been so moody. Paying for school alone, helping support your sister, working 4 days a week, going to school 5, and never sleeping takes a toll. Some people may say im a piece of shit and thats perfectly fine because perhaps I am...I suppose bieng a 19 yr full time 5 day a week student who also works 4 days a week, shares anything, pays all my own bills, and has a future is shitty. I suppose mantaining over a 3.5GPA is shitty. I suppose shitty could mean someone who has never done drugs and doesnt drink often then thats me too. I suppose its someone who has had the same boyfriend for almost 5 yrs and mantains a normal relationship without cheating. I suppose it could mean someone that doesnt go around telling people to fuck off. I mean if all this defines a shitty person then im just the worse. One thing I feel is that by no means do I owe anyone my life. No one owes anyone there life. Every where I am I got here on my own. To owe someone something like your life begins to imply they in some way own you or did something so amazing you could never live without them. Its something a selfish insecure person may say. I for one know that no one owes me shit nor do I own any lives. Im trying to think of something someone did so amazing for me that the meaning could even come close....and my only thought is my mother for giving birth to me...but even that doesnt imply such things. Let me explain basic parenting for the less educated out there. When you have a child..they owe you nothing. You have them because you want them so its an equal relationship. I never begged to be born therefor I cant owe you for something I never even asked for. Life is a gift you give and you do not owe for gifts. Your job is to love them and slightly influence them into making the best choices in life. Sure it means to support financially but a child will live longer on love then anything. Food, a house, money isnt enough or even close. You have to care for your children, spend time with them, and most importent...RESPECT THEM. You put them first. For greedy people this is a hard thing to manage. Its understood....you cant blame them. Its who they are...they will never change.
I will admitt in life ive said some mean things about people I never meant to hurt. At the time it was how I felt, and though it was never said to there face it was wrong in ways. Granted some was true you must learn to be a better person. I was a child and still am but im learning. Im better then that. I wont put myself that low and gossip. Forever people have wanted to gossip about me. I am a whore, I party always, I do drugs, I need to lose weight....well if thats how you see me thats great. I know who I am and thats all that matters. I like who I am...I dont need to change and beg people to love me. I am a great person and better then most. Say what they will I am not pregnant not even near close, Never done any drugs, I party openly and will admitt to it but im 19 and responsible. Im not a size 1 and I love who I am. Yes I stay the night at my boyfriends and he stays at my house, yes we take trips together....yes I drink, yes I swear, I waste money, I cry way too much, every shirt I own is far to low cut and I never go to church. Im no worse then anyone and not better then everyone. I dont try to hide my flaws and lie about them...if you hear anything Ill tell the truth. I dont care what anyone thinks in my family. I dont need my mom to lie and hide things about me, im not ashamed. Im young and i make mistakes. In five years I will be completly different and glad I lived. I have strict beliefs I stick to and thats how I stay who I am. I would never cheat, no drugs, I will always work hard, never quit school, never give up on my dreams, be an amazing parent who never said hurtfull words to my children or leave them, and always show love to those that show it to me...
This all didnt come from no where but from now on if you know me you know what I mean. I wont gossip. People have hurt me in life but never again. Ive given up on putting myself out there and I did a long time ago I realized. I know nothing was my fault and I wont try to make up for and put effort into a relationship I never ruined. Im an amazing person but some people could never know. Ill admitt im not the same person i was a year ago or two. I was quite and depressed and i let people hurt me. Now I dont care, im just me. Im loud, im obnoxious, and numb. My life is on an amazing track. Ill never be rich and I love that. Ill never be famous and thats great. In ten years ill be a teacher married to a firefighter with a million little kids whom are already named with a puppy and white picket fence. Im sure ill be disfunctional but never ever put my children in situations to hurt them. I would never smoke around them their health is first. I would never waste money on such products because bills come first. I would never abuse any substances because its selfish. You learn to live for someone else, and love it. Its not a punishment or giving up anything its trading up. There love fills you more then anything could. MY kids will never be talked to like shit because they have feelings. I will never allow others to put them down. No one can tell me any different on the matter. All of it is possible because anyone can do anything. If you disagree your simply weak and selfish. On another note.....I WOULD NEVER RUIN ANOTHER FAMILY. Anyone who does so should simply die. Its selfish...if only the world could be a little less selfish life could be better. Im not gonna say that bad things happening never have a positive influence. In fact I turned out amazing and for that I will thank people. Whether they did it in the best way means nothing. At this point in my life I just need more positive influence in my life and those who cant provide it just have to be cut out. I love you. Always will but you just never could love me. I understand now. This is for multiple people. You not bieng here will only hurt you in the end. I cant be stressed day to day when im trying to mantain a normal life. I have so much to look forward to like graduating college, getting married, having a family, having a job....and if people chose not to be there now in my life then by no means will they ever have a part in any of that either. I dont ask for anyone to change because i believe that no one can ever completly change.
Another note is do not read certain ohh say myspace post and assume they are about you. That is pure vanity. Parts may be about you but others mean something that Only I know of and ever will. Certain regrets I have have nothing to do with you. Trust me I actually have other things going on in my life. You can attempt to turn people against me thats fine. If they turn they never loved me anyways. Did it work? Nope. Because some people know I love them and I understand there love.
From now on im not going to stop posting shit that hurts people. Everything I post is how I feel and is actually truth not just words to hurt people. Others should take some notes. I will live my life and everyone else can have their own. I dont need birthday calls and cards, I dont need gifts, I dont need money, I dont need pity, I dont need graduation partys and graduation gifts, I dont need insurance or any inheritence from anyone. I have everything I need which is Everyone I need. Id die without my sister shes my life, no one and I mean no one will ever love her half as much as I do, Id never leave her, take money from her, put random kids before her, put anyone before her, ignore her, or go a week without seeing her. She is always here for me and we fight a ton but shes mine and I couldnt trade her. She loves me no matter what and no one does that. Shes perfect. I love Dustin because he sticks up for me, he respects me, hes there every time I cry over you and anyone else, he cares for me, makes sure I pay bills, pays for everything I need and cant get help for, he holds me, he loves me. I love my mom because shes crazy. She supports us and makes sure we have what we need. If my sister needs money for a dress then the house payment will wait. Its not the smartest but its more then most will do. We have a house because of her after some people left us in a home that was bieng taken away and left us to the street. She loves me in her own way. I love friends because they cheer me up. Thanks Sara for bieng there at 5am or 2am or even 2pm to grab food to feel better. You re assure me and keep me on track. You tell me the truth about anything I need to know and keep me from making dumb decisions. Youd take care of me as I throw up, thats love. Thnks for the million inside jokes, never hurting me too much and bieng a pain. YOur my BFF or My other SH. Thanx to Krystle lately shes been there to talk to about relationship what not shit and just goof with. Hanging with her is always a release. Shes such an amazing caring friend who couldnt love her. Thanx to newer friends like Steph for just bieng crazy and liking me for me. You wear the same size pants what more could I need. Terrianne I missed you and im glkad your there again. You were my best forever and you represent a huge part of my life. Thanx to random friends i meet and hang with on a daily basis. Thanx to my grandma for always staying true to your crazy ass roots. You may be 10 sheets to the wind but youd shoot someone for me and thats love. You were there in my life always and for that im there for you. Thanx to my Grandpa and my hero because you show me what a person should be like. I know youve made mistakes we all have but you have the biggest heart ever and to me thats the best quality in the world. YOu cried at my graduation, you cry when I cry, you call me everyday and make me happy to live. Id go crazy without you. Your so much more then a grandpa to me........
I didnt win an award im just babbling a bit about random life that has worn me down. I stopped sleeping mostly, and I may be crazy. Anyways school in now 2 hours, then straight to work till 9pm....a lovely little 12 hour day then nip/tuck tuesday with Sara. Chinnesse food tonight...mm....cannot wait.
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Ta da [27 Sep 2006|12:46pm]
So Here I am making an actual LJ post wtf would ya know? And why...? Because Chi-town. Now the name is up for debate I like Chi-town as in CHhhhcchhhh like Church chi rymes with ski...chi-town and Sara claims its Chicago art, drinks and inks....I think. Though hers is clever in the Lions Tigers and Beers way...mine is just well shorter and mine. Now most of you have no fucking clue what im saying....its life i rarely even know. Heres the DL we have a trip to Chicago planned coming up late October where there will be drinking, dancing, tattoos, old men, sexy shoes, lots of food, music, hooking(Cough Sara)...(not the hooking like "Ima be hooking a sweater" is that real...but HOOKING), 372 girls in one room or like 7, whore hair......what not and who not im sure some underage kissing too. Anyways its an exciting time and since others feel the need for multiple post on the topic I had to give a shout out. Other then that....news is im actually writting in this shit and...and cedar point in a week. HMmmmm other news? Well school has started unfort and still work. LAst night was mine and Saras "Nip/Tuck..out to dinner before" night like every tuesday and lots of random late talking after. I even taught her to crump. She kept me up to insure i would fall asleep in class and well she won. Anyways back to class for me and final words of the day is A. I do not have peanut butter next to my bed, do not believe these rumors. And 2. My nipple still here.......and III. I did not sell any kidneys...yet.
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Err [21 Aug 2006|09:09pm]
My first updat in far too long but finally something irritated me enough to update. Today I was calling my credit card as usual to ensure I pay my payment on time. I was curious when the said my new balance was 172$ when last months was 163$ and I hadnt spent any money on it. So after listening to recent transactions I heard Blockbuster had charged my card 9.94 or something close to that in change lol..under the catagory as Dining and Entertainment. Knowing I have 3 movies out late I thought about it more. First I always have late movies but they have never done this before. Second the restocking fees are like 1.50 each at 3 times is 4.50. Where does ( something come from? So I called them up and the lady says that its because I have movies out so I proceed to attempt and explain that restocking fees only add to 4.50 so how did they charge 9 and she claims they charged me the prices of the movies until returned....ok my thing is 3 new releases are not only 9$ for all three. Thats bullshit so Im going down tomorrow to figure the hsit out. Im upset that they charge me without permission and for a crazy fee that makes no sense.... fucking blockbuster man.
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[20 Dec 2005|02:30pm]
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[11 Dec 2005|11:13pm]
Let me first start with my crazy weekend.......me and sara went to her Aunts neighbors, best friends, party. When we got their it was odd cuz we were like so much younger then everyone and knew no one. So at first we just boozed up in the corner alone. Then after some drinks, not gonna mention how many, we mingled more. Played some mad gab, did some nip/tuck talkin. We ate a ton of random shit and at one point i know we were in the basement with a man we called uncle Paul watchin hockey. Apparently we passed around a bottle of peppermint schnapps and Sara claims Im goin to get Clemetia from it.....I think she was still drunk. Hmmm a lot is a blue but i know i at one point walked to my car which was parked forever a way, with the help of some dude. Then some guy tried to hit on me but felt the need to whip out his wallet and say "this is my 6 yr old daughter". Not the hottest pick up line. Um their was a guy with a tattoo and a lady named paulette who said "Girl where yo socks at" to m. She also felt the need to clean upafter everyone last night. I by the end of the night believed sara was my gf and protected her at all cost. UMMMM we did more eating when i picked up the name of ranch because I was eatin veggies in ranch and had it all over my mouth. Bobby brown was their lol. I went pee about 500 times and at one point fell over in the bathroom and outside and everywhere lol. Well anyways their is a zillion pics ill post here and try and explain them....
Image hosted by Photobucket.comHmmmmm Sean? The 31 yr old and I didnt take this pic lol so hmm
Image hosted by Photobucket.comSara
Image hosted by Photobucket.comme
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMost of these are us bored in bed that night cuz most the party i had misplaced my cam all over
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAnyone is a stripper when they are drunk
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comSaras blanky...
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Image hosted by Photobucket.com"Fuck you" My theme for the night while callin people
Image hosted by Photobucket.comYou will notice I was in a kissing mood and since my man wasnt their Sara got it all
Image hosted by Photobucket.comWtf?
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comUMMM "mommy and mommy"
Image hosted by Photobucket.comWhats so funny?
Image hosted by Photobucket.commmmmmmmmmm
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comYou will also notice i loved those fuckin beads
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMMM again lovin the sausage...actually at that point everything tasted good
Image hosted by Photobucket.comSara I got a secret......u taste just like suger cuz your so sweet
Image hosted by Photobucket.comHow cute?
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comDont ask I dont know...a toolbelt i think for a little kid
Image hosted by Photobucket.commmmm anal beads lol
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comThis is a pretty hot pic....to bad i dont remember it
Image hosted by Photobucket.comYeah def. wasted here
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comAll the fuckin toys man
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comI would put my tounge in anything i think lol
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comThat guy again and i didnt take the pic lol also he is the only other person we have a pic of besides us....how did that happen? well who knows maybe he wanted to be remembered lol but i dunno where he came from
Image hosted by Photobucket.com"nicky and paris hilton"
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comKissing
Image hosted by Photobucket.comOur race car bed...and matching pants
Image hosted by Photobucket.comvroooom
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Image hosted by Photobucket.comThe porn star look...or Clemmy as Sara called me
Image hosted by Photobucket.comhmm Smirnoff or jello shot? too tough ill do em both
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAnd Ill finish with more beads lol
So that was the night in a nut shell.......next morning coney island and lots of fluid...I looked like a crack whore and it was ok
memorable quotes:
"Uncle Paul Im your niece"
"honey wheres yo socks at?"
"This is my daughter....."
"This shirt cost $100"
"you could have gotten herpes"
"Fuck you if you dont wanna fuck me"
"you have a 6inch penis and no boobs"
"Sara I know what you need"
"I just wanted to look pretty, I just bought this shirt"
"You think im a whore dont you"
"Im not 15"
"move out of the way hott girl coming through"
"YOur fuckin gay in your pink shirt and you take it in the ass so go upstairs and find your boyfriend"
"my humps"
"Who do u think the carver is?"
"one more jello shot......."
"its from the Cretian islands"
and thats all i can remember now lol if I have anymore later ill share but right now im done
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[05 Dec 2005|11:23pm]
Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In May I gave stonerbitch_13 a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). In March I pushed _im_molly_duh in the mud (-17 points). Last Tuesday I pulled boyle_'s hair (-5 points). In June I bought porn for stevielynn (10 points). In July voodoolayla and I robbed a bank (-50 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-67 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
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[01 Dec 2005|10:35pm]
Stolen from Stevielynn
Step One
Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered... whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free -- do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just ... wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

My list....
1)Tangy Pomengranite chapstick from The Gap...I <3 it and my dog ate mine..
2)Scratch and sniff stickers(no rootbeer)...Brings me back to my childhood
3)A Vintage Blondie t-shirt....
4)Makeup items that I had to make as one number lol (Mac eyeshadow brush #293, Pout Mascara)
5)A drawing or poem....art is my true weakness is life
6)Funky or vintage jewelry....anything cheap and Gaudy chances are I will love it....pins, chunky bracelets, large stoned necklaces, pearls, dangly earrings....
7)Monkeys...I <3 monkeys and like a child own over 100 stuffed anaimals and etc...so anything with monkeys)
8)Mixed cd of the songs from nip/tuck...or anything different
9)Cranberry scented candles....cranberry scented anything lol
10)Anything by Dali...my favorite artist ever

I will post my home address as friends only in my next post....
If your not on my friends list just let me know lol
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[23 Nov 2005|10:46pm]
So what happens at 2am when you are wasted and cant dress yourself? You dance......lol and here is what it looks like
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One day I will be able to "pop it" lol soooooo......I will keep my practice goin...
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[22 Nov 2005|12:38am]
My pics from frankenmuth.....
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAn art piece I liked at a gallery
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAnother Painting I enjoyed
Image hosted by Photobucket.comA doll house lol It was too dark to be able to take a shot of real homes but they all looked this amazing...
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAnother doll house
Image hosted by Photobucket.comRandom Shots
Image hosted by Photobucket.comA bridge we walked over I wish I could have got the pictures of the water to work it was amazing...their was like a little waterfall and amazing bridge.....
Image hosted by Photobucket.comThis is where we ate I think
Image hosted by Photobucket.comOk lol I loved this mouse and who the hell knows why..
Image hosted by Photobucket.comWtf? are these things lol who knows but I loved em..Image hosted by Photobucket.comI was tryin to show the painting on the windows but my bf wouldnt slow down
Image hosted by Photobucket.comagain lol what is it?
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMy baby decided to get extra friendly with the mouse...
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMe and the mouse...I said I loved it
Image hosted by Photobucket.comI think this is actually where we ate who knows...
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAt home in his bed..
Image hosted by Photobucket.comhe seriously is so fuckin hott lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comI am hiding lol probably cuz I had just work up from a nap and my breath was horrible lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comOhhhhh ewwww awww horseeeee
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMMMMMM mawwww kissy
Image hosted by Photobucket.comI am still coverin up lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMore of the crazy hay couple
Image hosted by Photobucket.comLOL I look like shit...I just work up..this is actually the next morning lol I needed a shower and more sleep
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMe
Image hosted by Photobucket.comA tree yeah
Image hosted by Photobucket.comSome decorations
Image hosted by Photobucket.compart of the strip mall thing lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comIm slwweeeeppppyyy
Image hosted by Photobucket.comohh scary fuckin haunted house....
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMy sweety
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMore of him because he hates when I take pictures lol I kept sneakin em
Image hosted by Photobucket.comkISS
Image hosted by Photobucket.comI had just woke up lol from a nap on the way home...2 hour drive eqauls 1.5 hour nap lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comChristmas shop open all year
Image hosted by Photobucket.cominside the amazing store
Image hosted by Photobucket.comchristmas tree yeah
Image hosted by Photobucket.comThe cieling
Image hosted by Photobucket.comChristmas Palm trees? wtf i love it
Image hosted by Photobucket.comDriving their the amazing sun lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comhaha wtf with that face lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comOk lol so here is in the mirror maze...it is just one little section seat but it looks like a ton and I first thought it was from far away lol and went to sit on the side
Image hosted by Photobucket.comMy fav pic...Its a christmas decoration at the christmas store
Image hosted by Photobucket.comin the car
Image hosted by Photobucket.comhim in the car lol
Image hosted by Photobucket.comworst face ever lol but i took it in the mirror maze
Image hosted by Photobucket.comAnd the mirrow maze lol believe it this is just one mirror and it looked like I could just keep walking forever....I ran into so many mirrors lol the best time ever...so trippy
2 comments|post comment

[21 Nov 2005|08:48am]
Ok so lol on to my great weekend and how it kept getting better......well Saturday i was the fuckin happiest I have ever been in my life cuz im a total dork but my bf said he had a surprise for me lol.....Well bieng the dumb ass I am lol I came over in 5inch marc jacobs heels, a lingerie top, tight jeans, and huge earrings lol....I wanted to look fierce but lol he took one look at me and said it wouldnt do that i needed warm clothes and tennis shoes....So i was stuck wearin one of his huge sweatshirts and one of his budweiser jackets lol along with some spare shoes i keep in the car (left the earrings just to feel good lol)Anyways first stop the gasstation so I can cask my check and grab some grape cranberry juice and a baffo for me and some poweraide for him lol....then he informs me its a 2 hour drive and if you know me that dont hold well lol cuz i am way to jumpy sooo i assumed canada cuz he made me bring all my money($700) lol incase i wanted to shop....but alas I guessed it cuz im amazing and if your from Michigan you may know lol FUCKING FRANKEMUTH hell yeah lol hadnt been since i was like 5....anways old time village lots of fudge and a all yr christmas store, tons of galleries and walking. Best time of my whole life, i was like a little kid the whole time and took a million pics I need to post lol but most are dark because it was late so you cant make em out....Anyways we went in a maze of mirrors my fav and this haunted house that made me cry lol, super scary, scariest i had ever been in cuz they had fake bodies but bodies lol hanging from the cieling you had to push through, freaked me out a touch. Anyways I bought only candy while i was their lol and a brownie but lol it was worth it. I wanted sausage lol cuz i was tryin to convince my bf they were famous for it but we couldnt find a shop lol cuz we are dorks...anyways drive home like he said i would, i fell asleep....then came home and both of us crashed. Sunday went shoppin for a coat with no luck at all. ME or my sister couldnt find one we liked. then visited my dad and back to my bf's to watch simpsons and family guy like always. My sad part was i missed the football game but we lost and that dissapointment would have brought me down lol....I still wanna see it damn...and nascar omfg i forgot last race you won? lol thats horrible Stewart better have one....anways when i got home, when i was drunk a few nights before i had sent out some emails, and i got responses. I found out that 2 guys i had crushes on liked me too. One i talked to online for a long while and he really is a cool guy lol. It amazes me the people your afraid to talk to in highschool and what you miss out on. So i was feeling cute and barely slept all night lol and that is all i believe lol.........tada
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[20 Nov 2005|06:04pm]
Ok so my weekend started shitty.....Got blown off on week long plans friday not so I drank lol by myself and managed to write a few unforgiving emails lol......Saturday though omg omg omg omg....errrrr so as i was typing this i got news that just ruined everything i dont feel like finishing this and i dont particularly wan to talk.....crazy how out of nowhere one i.m. can change everything concrete in your life
3 comments|post comment

[18 Nov 2005|11:26am]
4 comments|post comment

[17 Nov 2005|11:25pm]
HiCollapse )
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[17 Nov 2005|05:22am]
Wtf I started this already and it didnt post so here I go again lol im gonna update this bitch lol its way early but here has been my week.....No school all week so far....it just kept getting cancelled by all my teachers, crazy but im not fuckin complaining....Sleeping is top priority lol and work even got cancelled tuesday night so how sweet was this week lol.....anyways yesterday I dragged my sister out of volley ball lol and made her come to the mall with me all for a cd that they failed to even have......errrr lol and we had some subway......mmmmmmmmmm.....then we took some pictures lol like a million and ive decided that i look like a different person at a lot of times lol...hers those lol:Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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LOL and thats less then half of them......my sister wanted a good pic for myspace lol so I gave it a shot too.....I dont wanna post the rest I think i look the same over and over lol so u get the idea with these......anyways I am slightly hungover and feeling overly sick so I need another nap....
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